Friends come and go into our lives. Sometimes these friendships fade away on their own, other times they end with a nasty argument or disagreement of some sort. When a friendship ends in this fashion, it can be hard to get over. You may find yourself knee deep in feelings of anger, resentment and betrayal. I find that this is even more true if you were the one who put more effort into the friendship.
Maybe your friendship ended over something trivial (I once had a friend who de-friended me on facebook because I updated my status too often) or over something more complex. In my experience, my friendships often end after I am truthful with my friends about something they are doing to sabotage themselves. If I see them behaving in a way that is negative and self-destructive, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. But the sad truth is that no matter how gently you approach some people, they just aren’t willing to accept the truth or to accept responsibilities for their own actions.
Perhaps you have found yourself in a similar situation and you’re wondering what you can do to get over the pain of the loss friendship. Here are a few things that might help.
Go Through The Motions – Nobody wants to feel sadness or anger, but these emotions are a part of life, and like most emotions, they are fleeting. So allow yourself permission to feel all of these emotions and if you need to cry, scream or punch a pillow to get your frustration out, then do it. Negative emotions become toxic when we don’t allow them to escape our bodies. There are some spiritual groups who believe that negative emotions held in the body cause sickness, and scientific studies have been proving this to be true. So it’s very important that you allow yourself to experience these emotions fully, even if you don’t want too. The faster you let them out, the faster you can be done with them.
Find The Lesson – What did you learn from the friendship and it’s ending? All of life is a lesson, and like all lessons, we are meant to learn from them. So when you’re ready, ask yourself what you can take from this lesson and how you can apply it to your life.
I once had a friend who I was very close too. She and I used to get together and come up with different ideas for our businesses. We were both dog trainers and she had a flourishing practice and mine was still struggling. I enjoyed our times together because it was fun to connect with someone who shared my passion for dogs. However, one day I logged onto her youtube channel and low and behold, I saw that she had stolen my ideas and was claiming them as her own. When I called her out on it, she lied about having taken the idea from me, but went on to justify stealing it.
I looked through her video library and saw that she had taken other ideas from me too. I was heartbroken. This was a lady that I had come to love and admire, and instead of helping me to execute my ideas, she was stealing them from me. I had even noticed that she had stolen many of my original twitter statuses too! Her excuse for stealing was that nobody comes up with original ideas anymore.
But, I learned a lesson here. The lesson was to keep your ideas to yourself, no matter how much you trust someone else with them. This was a HUGE lesson for me because I love to share my ideas. But now, I have learned to guard them, and if I’m working on a project that requires help from other, I only tell them what they need to know and no more.
How Does This Serve You? – It might be strange to think of the end of a friendship as serving you, but many (if not all) things happen for a reason. Now that you have allowed yourself to go through the emotions, and to find the lesson, it’s time to ask how releasing this friendship serves you.
I had a couple of other friends in my life who I cared about deeply, but they were energy vampires. They didn’t recognize themselves as such, but they were always taking, taking, taking and complaining, complaining, complaining. I often felt sorry for them and would do what I could to help them. But after a while, it seemed like they came to expect it. When these friendships ended, I was upset but that’s quite possibly because I put more work into the friendship than they did. But something amazing happened when these friendships were over. I was happier. I felt freer. My energy level went up within days and my psychic abilities exploded. It was incredible! And I wasn’t the only one who noticed it either.
Letting go of these friendships (if that’s what they were) allowed me to free up the energy I spent worrying about these girls so that I could create things (such as this article) instead.
So once you find the lesson, find out how the end of the friendship serves you.
Return Gifts – This has always been my preferred method of ending a friendship. Whenever I broke up with a boyfriend in the past, or when a friendship ended, I returned all of the gifts they gave to me. Why? Because I don’t want their energy tied to me anymore. Although you are free to keep any gifts that were given to you, I find that giving them back frees me from any karmic ties we may have had bound together. Returning a gift says “I am not indebted to you and I will not stay bound to you.” You might decide to keep some gifts that had little meaning (like a t-shirt) but return other gifts that had a deeper, sentimental meaning, like a friendship bracelet.
Bury Or Burn It – If you’re still having a hard time getting closure, then a symbolic burial or cremation might help. This may sound dramatic, but it’s very effective in cleansing and healing your spirit.
First, write down all of your feelings about the situation and don’t hold back. You can write this in the form of a letter to your ex-friend or as a journal entry. Allow all of your thoughts and feelings to transfer from your mind and heart to the page.
Once you are done, find a place where you can bury the letter or burn it. If you choose to bury it, it’s best to do it away from your home since you don’t want that energy or any reminders of your burial hanging around your property.
When you’re ready, dig up the earth and place your writings into the ground or fire. Say some words just like you would at a funeral. Thank your friend for the time they shared with you and for the lessons you learned from them. Allow yourself to recall the good times you shared with your friend and do not mention the negative things took place. At the end of your eulogy, you may want to say a prayer and wish your friend well.
This symbolic funeral cuts all ties and emotions as you are officially announcing that the friendship (and not your friend) is dead and over.
Getting over a friendship is hard, but these steps will help you to move forward.